Internal Battle over Staying Home

For the rest of the post to make sense you will need a little background. Phillip and I currently keep our bank accounts separate even though he is on mine and I am on his. We have always divided the bills and just paid "our" bills out of "our" check. If either of us needs anything extra we just transfer between the accounts. I make a budget based on just what I bring home and so the figures I am using for my post are just those.

 I have been waging a war with myself. Phillip has gone back to work so the kids are back at the sitter which is not an issue in itself. Our sitter is an amazing woman who loves both boys as if they are her own and I truly appreciate her and her family. The issue is really the expense with 2 kids there. She is less expensive than traditional day care programs and I appreciate her care but if I continue to send the boys there over the summer when Logan is not at school it will be more than my house payment. Coupled with this the payments on my student loans went up. Just these 2 items on my budget equal 78% of my take home pay. By the time you add gas going to and from work and lunches I am at 84%. This is before I have even purchased groceries for the house, paid the electric, water, life insurance, netflix, hulu, or internet service. Adding these items in puts me at 112% of my bring home pay. I could make some adjustments in our benefits that I pay for but I am not compromising on carrying health insurance for the family. You can see where the war with myself is coming in, do I stay home to save on most of these bills and we figure out a way to make it on Phillip's salary which is honestly not much more than mine. Would I still be able to figure out a way to pay the bills I currently pay while saving us the cost of daycare, gas and lunches? There is also the mental aspect of this choice. I have always worked and been independent. I want my boys to understand a woman can do anything she wants just as they can. I want them to see a working spouse is natural and they can be equals. I also need adult stimulation on a daily basis and dread the park scene.

The choice has not been made, really we keep putting it off but it will have to be hashed out before the end of this school year.