I forgave myself for these thoughts finally this morning. On Saturday night I was getting Clark to sleep which was taking forever and the thought just overcame me that he was taking an excessive amount of time away from Logan. I rarely can just be present or participate with Logan because Clark is always in the fray or needing attention. He is too small to understand that my attention needs to be off him for a couple of minutes. The thoughts then went to how much easier things were with just one child. It got worse when I went to snuggle for a little bit with Logan and he had already fallen asleep with the book he wanted me to read with him on the bed. I was upset at myself for not having enough to spread between the two of them and then upset for having the thoughts about Clark. It will not be long before he wants to run away from me instead of hang all over me. Being an oldest child myself I think I am also ultra sensitive to Logan's feelings right now.
It took a couple of days but I have forgiven myself. Things are never going to be like a one child household again and that will be ok. Logan and Clark will both survive and find a balance and may eventually be best friends. Until then my time will never be evenly divided all the time and it will just be ok.
No comments:
Post a Comment